Thursday, May 01, 2008

Levity Time

Things have been serious for a while, so I thought it a good time to share some humor. In the comments, please share your favorite clean religious joke. I know that God has a sense of humor. He must! Look at the people He calls to be clergy!

An Englishman was riding on a train through Scotland. He was sitting next to an old Scot, but obviously didn't want to talk. After reading through "The Times" three times, he finally folds it and puts it on the seat pocket in front of him. The Scotsman turns to him and asks:
"How do you like Scotland?"

"I don't" replies the Englishman in his clipped oxbridge accent. "It's cold. It's rainy, and it's full of those damned Presbyterians."

"'Och - you'll like Hell then!" replies the Scot.

"Why do you say that?"

"'Tis nae cold. 'Tis nae rainy and there are no damned Presbyterians." replies the Scot.

Phil Snyder


Another Pilgrim said...

An old man and his nagging wife go to Israel on vacation. While in the Holy Land the wife dies. A Israeli mortican tells the man that he can send the wife back to the United States for $5000 or he can bury her in the Holy Land for $150. The man thinks it over and decides to send the wife back. The mortican is shocked. "Why don't you bury her in honor in the Holy Land" he asks? The old man replies "You see a long time ago a guy died here, was buried and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Anonymous said...

A nice lady was traveling on a rather lonely country road. She heard what she thought was a noise coming from under her car. She stopped and got our to see what it might be.

When she started to get back in the car, she found she had left her keys in the ignition, and the doors had automatically locked.

She called her friend on the cell phone and her friend told her to look around and see if she couldn't find a wire coathanger and use that to open the car door.

Sure enough, off on the side of the road she indeed find a coathanger, the only trouble is she didn't know what to do with it. So, she knelt right down there and prayed.

Please God, "send me a kind person who might be able to help me. Amen

Sure enough, in a very short time a junky, dirty pick-up stopped, and a rather shifty-looking, fellow got out and offered her help.

She handed him the coathanger and asked him if he knew how to use it to open the door.

He answered, "Sure, it'll take just a jiff".

He soon had the door open, and the woman burst into tears. She hugged the man and began to pray, "Oh Lord, I thank you for sending such a nice, kind man to help me".

The man stepped back a bit, and said, "Look lady", I'm not really a "nice, "kinc" man, I just got out of prison a couple of hours ago".

"What were you in prison for"?, asked the lady.

The man hung his head, "car theft" said he.

With that the lady flung her arms back around his neck, and burst into tears again.

"Thank you my Gracious Lord, for not only sending someone to help me, but I truly didn't expect an expert"...

Jill C. said...

A thief broke into a house after casing it out to make sure the owners were away. He was making off with the stereo when he heard a voice call out: "Jesus is watching you!"
"Who's there?" the thief asked. He put down the stereo, pulled out his flashlight, and looked around. All he saw was a bird in a cage. "Did you say something?" the intruder asked the parrot.
"Just trying to warn you," answered the bird.
"What's your name?" asked the thief.
"Moses," the parrot replied.
The thief laughed outloud. "What kind of people would name their parrot, 'Moses?'"
The bird answered: "The same people who would name their 150 lb. Rottweiler, 'Jesus.'"


plsdeacon said...

Q: What exists in every Roman Catholic Sacristry?
A: A crucifix and a picture of the Pope.

Q: What exists in every Episcopal Sacristry?
A: A full length mirror!

Phil Snyder